21 August 2015

Alive. And Burning.

Not broken.
Frozen. In time. 
Without pain or feeling
Love forgotten, for remembered, 
It is a thought closer to death. 
When remembered, it is despair.
Frozen, sleeping through time itself.
Not broken.
Woken. With a kiss.
A kiss stolen. A kiss only. 
Woken. Still frozen.
Can't move,  
Can't breathe - 
There is burning inside
A firestorm of grief.
Of pain, of misery
Of torture. 
Woken. In anger. In agony. In time. 
Alive. Not living. 
Alive. Not moving.
Alive. And burning. 

23 July 2015

12 July 2015

The Chase

I chase. 
I chase things that make my heart beat faster; a rhythm, a beat, that which makes my soul dance. 
I chase.
I chase vision and sound, one note, one stroke, and then the next and the next.... For that is music. That is art. 
I chase. 
I chase that which hunts me, for the hunter will forever be the prey. As I am the predator. As I am hunted by thought, and emotion, by passion and sensation; by a mind, and a soul. 


24 May 2015

To Walk Into Hell

Beautiful soul,
You washed yourself in dirt and shame
To hide the pain, the scars, the burdens.
You laughed when you
Were supposed to cry.
You couldn't beat them
So you joined them,
Gave into the abuse and hate
Made yourself in their image,
And then became the master
Not the slave.
All avenues of degradation,
Dehumanised till unrecognised.
And now, they turn away from you
Frightened of the rage and hate,
Abused by the depths 
Of your destruction.
Where power lay in the hands
Of one so great, so beautiful,
Corruption has become the vein of joy
Shattered by illusions
By lies and deceptions
Foul manipulation of your perceptions
You have turned away from the road
To walk into hell
Smiling and laughing as though 
You have won
Yet when you look around
You are alone. 

20 May 2015

Once Upon A Cafe...

He was like a bold line
Upright and dark
In black and black.
He walked like a straight line
Tall and proud
Slim and strong.
He smiled like a curved line
Open and steady
Without hesitation. 
He had eyes like the moon shines
And all the lines faded to grey. 

15 May 2015

Walk On

Wander.
Like a ghost in a memory 
Of a myth in a fairytale.
Being real
Takes acceptance
Yet the mind cannot adhere
To that which cannot be believed.
Loss is loss; we walk on
When the losses follow,
Peace stumbles and reels
And all that was solid
Drifts into mist
A haze that buries days 
Each morning a hollow account
Of time passing
Each sunset 
A final dirge till the next -
The loss of a childhood sister-in-arms,
The loss of the greatest companion
The loss of trust in a friend.
The loss of meaning when
A path that was so clear, so simple
Suddenly studded with sinkholes
Gaps in reason and love
Cracks in the earth
Wounds in the soul.
Yet we walk on,
For what is a path 
But where we must tread..... 

Empty Room

It's an empty room. 
There was such life before 
And now the heart from it has gone;
It sits barren and void.
I have tried to fill the spaces,
The places in between.
I hold it in my mind like a canvas
But the image is dull, lifeless.
I have no vision of the future.
I have no mark made for tomorrow.
There is your bed; clean and made
Like a bolt hole for refuge,
A trench for the battle.
But it fills with tears, night passing night,
And the stains never leave.
There are your loves; the small delights
I handle them with care, sacred relics, 
And they are silent,
As they listen to me weep.
There is the night; 
Longer now than ever, 
A great darkness that has offered
Solace in silence,
Till every heartbeat pounds through me
And I am a never-ending drum.
The only sound 
In an empty room. 


29 April 2015

Beautiful Girl

You weren't afraid. 
You lay in my arms as you had since you were young,
Trusting, certain, 
That I would protect you,
I would keep you safe from harm and pain. 
That I would, as always, love you. 

You didn't cry out. 
You were calm, as long as you were with me. 
You were brave, without fear. 
And I spoke of the garden,
With the sun, and the things that 
Rustle in the grass,
The black and white birds,
The lizards, and the laughs. 
And I told you, you would be happy, 
And safe at home.
You were here. 
And then, you were gone. 

And the face that looked at me, 
The eyes that spoke to mine, 
The words that said to me, 
The heart has stopped. 
It has stopped beating. 
The heart that loved me
Had stopped beating. 
That brave, courageous, fearless heart
No longer beat for me. 

I carried you home. 
I walked to your grave 
With you in my arms
The arms that protected you,
Loved you, 
Held you from when you were young. 
My arms. 
The arms you trusted. 
Carried you to your grave. 

I lay you by the grave
And I wailed. 
I howled, great gulping screams of pain
My agony sounded in the air, 
As my family and ancestors bore witness
As I lowered myself into the hole in the earth
As I lowered you to the sweet dry grasses
As I arranged you for sleep
As I gave you your favourite things
I howled. 
I wailed.
I screamed. 

It was the funeral of a warrior. 
It was the death of a healer.
It was the burial of a true friend. 

And I laced the earth over your body, 
I wept tears and blood as I covered you 
Till you were unseen, 
And the stones were laid upon you. 
And I spoke to the wound in the ground
To heal, and take you inside it. 
So that you would be one with the world. 

You weren't afraid. 
You were mine. 
You and I belonged. 
And I shall never be silent, 
I shall speak your name with love and pride. 
For you gave what no other did. 
You gave what no other could. 
You gave me a lifetime. 
And it is mine now for all my days. 
No matter how I may weep in the night. 
I can't touch you now. 
But my life has been forever touched by you. 
And I would do it all again, all of it. 
Life wasn't perfect. 
But we were. 
My beautiful girl. 

Like A Secret

I love you every day and every night. 
I hold the small things of you, for you are far from me. 
I stare at your pictures and wonder if you're okay. 
I sing songs in the dark that I played for you, and wonder if in your soul, you can hear me.
I light candles to burn for you, in your name. 
whisper your name, like a secret that is forever mine. 

16 March 2015

Memory

Memory burns 
Like the dawn of a new day
That is witnessed
In sorrow. 
Seen from the wrong side of night
Seen through panes of glass
That were lit with stars
Seen through a waking dream
That you couldn't believe 
Was true. 

07 January 2015

I Didn't

You spoke bitter words
I didn't hear the truth
You cried bitter tears 
I didn't wipe your eyes 
You drank bitter wine
I didn't ask for apology 
You turned your back on me
I didn't wave goodbye 
I didn't want to fix you
Because you weren't broken
I didn't want you here
Because I hunted you down
I didn't want to break you
So you would obey me
I didn't want you near
If you were afraid of me.

I didn't wait for years 
Just to burn your memory
I waited for years
To be sure I was everything
I gave my life to darkness
So that I could be light 
I gave my life to patience 
In the unforgiving night 
I didn't cry for you
For you were my something right
I only cried for me
To be mad enough to fight 

I didn't need correcting
Just your intelligence
I didn't need directing 
When I have common sense
I didn't need guidance
Just your logic and reason
But I don't need your words
When your love was but a season.