29 April 2015

Beautiful Girl

You weren't afraid. 
You lay in my arms as you had since you were young,
Trusting, certain, 
That I would protect you,
I would keep you safe from harm and pain. 
That I would, as always, love you. 

You didn't cry out. 
You were calm, as long as you were with me. 
You were brave, without fear. 
And I spoke of the garden,
With the sun, and the things that 
Rustle in the grass,
The black and white birds,
The lizards, and the laughs. 
And I told you, you would be happy, 
And safe at home.
You were here. 
And then, you were gone. 

And the face that looked at me, 
The eyes that spoke to mine, 
The words that said to me, 
The heart has stopped. 
It has stopped beating. 
The heart that loved me
Had stopped beating. 
That brave, courageous, fearless heart
No longer beat for me. 

I carried you home. 
I walked to your grave 
With you in my arms
The arms that protected you,
Loved you, 
Held you from when you were young. 
My arms. 
The arms you trusted. 
Carried you to your grave. 

I lay you by the grave
And I wailed. 
I howled, great gulping screams of pain
My agony sounded in the air, 
As my family and ancestors bore witness
As I lowered myself into the hole in the earth
As I lowered you to the sweet dry grasses
As I arranged you for sleep
As I gave you your favourite things
I howled. 
I wailed.
I screamed. 

It was the funeral of a warrior. 
It was the death of a healer.
It was the burial of a true friend. 

And I laced the earth over your body, 
I wept tears and blood as I covered you 
Till you were unseen, 
And the stones were laid upon you. 
And I spoke to the wound in the ground
To heal, and take you inside it. 
So that you would be one with the world. 

You weren't afraid. 
You were mine. 
You and I belonged. 
And I shall never be silent, 
I shall speak your name with love and pride. 
For you gave what no other did. 
You gave what no other could. 
You gave me a lifetime. 
And it is mine now for all my days. 
No matter how I may weep in the night. 
I can't touch you now. 
But my life has been forever touched by you. 
And I would do it all again, all of it. 
Life wasn't perfect. 
But we were. 
My beautiful girl. 

Like A Secret

I love you every day and every night. 
I hold the small things of you, for you are far from me. 
I stare at your pictures and wonder if you're okay. 
I sing songs in the dark that I played for you, and wonder if in your soul, you can hear me.
I light candles to burn for you, in your name. 
whisper your name, like a secret that is forever mine.