Beautiful Girl

You weren't afraid. 

You lay in my arms as you had since you were young,

Trusting, certain, 

That I would protect you,

I would keep you safe from harm and pain. 

That I would, as always, love you. 

You didn't cry out. 

You were calm, as long as you were with me. 

You were brave, without fear. 

And I spoke of the garden,

With the sun, and the things that 

Rustle in the grass,

The black and white birds,

The lizards, and the laughs. 

And I told you, you would be happy, 

And safe at home.

You were here. 

And then, you were gone. 

And the face that looked at me, 

The eyes that spoke to mine, 

The words that said to me, 

The heart has stopped. 

It has stopped beating. 

The heart that loved me

Had stopped beating. 

That brave, courageous, fearless heart

No longer beat for me. 

I carried you home. 

I walked to your grave 

With you in my arms

The arms that protected you,

Loved you, 

Held you from when you were young. 

My arms. 

The arms you trusted. 

Carried you to your grave. 

I lay you by the grave

And I wailed. 

I howled, great gulping screams of pain

My agony sounded in the air, 

As my family and ancestors bore witness

As I lowered myself into the hole in the earth

As I lowered you to the sweet dry grasses

As I arranged you for sleep

As I gave you your favourite things

I howled. 

I wailed.

I screamed. 

It was the funeral of a warrior. 

It was the death of a healer.

It was the burial of a true friend. 

And I laced the earth over your body, 

I wept tears and blood as I covered you 

Till you were unseen, 

And the stones were laid upon you. 

And I spoke to the wound in the ground

To heal, and take you inside it. 

So that you would be one with the world. 

You weren't afraid. 

You were mine. 

You and I belonged. 

And I shall never be silent, 

I shall speak your name with love and pride. 

For you gave what no other did. 

You gave what no other could. 

You gave me a lifetime. 

And it is mine now for all my days. 

No matter how I may weep in the night. 

I can't touch you now. 

But my life has been forever touched by you. 

And I would do it all again, all of it. 

Life wasn't perfect. 

But we were. 

My beautiful girl. 

Like A Secret

I love you every day and every night. 

I hold the small things of you, for you are far from me. 

I stare at your pictures and wonder if you're okay. 

I sing songs in the dark that I played for you, and wonder if in your soul, you can hear me.

I light candles to burn for you, in your name. 

I whisper your name, like a secret that is forever mine. 

Memory

Memory burns 

Like the dawn of a new day

That is witnessed

In sorrow. 

Seen from the wrong side of night

Seen through panes of glass

That were lit with stars

Seen through a waking dream

That you couldn't believe 

Was true. 

I Didn't

You spoke bitter words

I didn't hear the truth

You cried bitter tears 

I didn't wipe your eyes 

You drank bitter wine

I didn't ask for apology 

You turned your back on me

I didn't wave goodbye 

I didn't want to fix you

Because you weren't broken

I didn't want you here

Because I hunted you down

I didn't want to break you

So you would obey me

I didn't want you near

If you were afraid of me.

I didn't wait for years 

Just to burn your memory

I waited for years

To be sure I was everything

I gave my life to darkness

So that I could be light 

I gave my life to patience 

In the unforgiving night 

I didn't cry for you

For you were my something right

I only cried for me

To be mad enough to fight 

I didn't need correcting

Just your intelligence

I didn't need directing 

When I have common sense

I didn't need guidance

Just your logic and reason

But I don't need your words

When your love was but a season. 

Naught But A Poem

I already wrote words for this

For every wound sealed with a kiss

For every goodbye, for every excuse,

For every time I would pick up and move.

Dawn wandered in on a lonely day

While Paradise skipped over hills far away,

And I saw a light, in the emptying night

That wasn't the sun, for it had run;

I sifted through meaning

And still I found none. 

Hollow and shapeless, the lies fell apart

Just to stand naked in front of my heart

Touched and now broken,

All words have been spoken

Until only silence knows what to say.

And dawn wanders in on a lonely day.

I could ask if you're done, is it over and won,

But the war starts anew, and I'm already through.

I could weep but for darkness,

Tears are but a harness.

There is nothing new, nothing gentle or true,

Just the ghost of a thought, what isn't, but ought,

The contest the same, the endless tangle of games,

Till I'm bloodied and sore, and the winner took all.

More nightmares and death, more smoke on my breath,

I am shaded and grey, the dawn's light of the day

I am silent and cold, the story is told; 

Here endeth the lesson, that is the rope,

There is naught but a poem, where once there was hope.

Step Away, Walk Away

Drifting further into the beyond,

Step away, walk away;

There was a truth, but now it has gone,

Step away, walk away;

Drums pounded loud, then only silence,

Step away, walk away;

Peace gave way to inner violence,

Step away, walk away;

The blood flowed red,

In a river bed,

The war to be won 

Was fought in the sun,

And I, the darkness,

The power's harness,

Broke the moon with one blow,

And laid the dream low.

A desert born in morning's light,

Step away, walk away;

So familiar, yet a broken sight,

Step away, walk away;

The howling fortress grim and closed,

Step away, walk away,

Left behind by one betrothed,

Step away, walk away;

And the mute spoke lies,

To a heart of flies,

And the dead sang songs,

To bells and gongs,

And the past wrote a letter,

But nothing better,

And the witch drank spells,

From the tears in the well. 

A poem uttered, and soon forgot,

Step away, walk away;

A coin tossed high to cast a lot,

Step away, walk away;

An empty sky where the heart used to be,

Step away, walk away;

A single hope fading in the face of reality,

Step away, walk away; 

A drop, a stain, a memory in vain,

Step away, walk away;

A sorrow ended, to be raised again,

Step away, walk away;

And the fool waved flags,

Made of bloodied rags,

And the rage ran high,

Like a rising tide,

And the ice ran cold,

As an age of old,

And the dead lay dying,

Whimpering, crying,

And the end was near,

As hope became fear.

Step away, walk away.... 

One Stroke

One stroke, one ticking clock.

One silent trap of time

Watching hours, days, weeks

Minute to minute, counting, 

One ticking clock.

A passing second, marked by the same thought,

It could be real.

It could be real.

Should I run and hide? 

Let it pass and drown with time.

Magnificence stalking daylight

Taunting moonlight and its shade.

Should I run and hide?

Watch from a distance, keep from view.

Spy from a burrow, behind shaded trees.

I walked along the ridge at sundown - 

Did it see, catch my scent?

Will it follow, or merely gaze upon me

As I stand still, wary of intent...

It could be real. 

It could mean nothing. 

It could be naught but the passage of time.

One stroke, one ticking clock.

A passing second, marked by the same thought. 

A Coloured Wall

I woke. 

And sound was silent, the room

Cold with its absence. 

I spoke.

Something gutteral and incoherent.

A punctuation of fear and design. 

I saw

Blank walls shifting with shadows

Dancing motes in stray light.

But the silence competed with sensation

Of holy loss and disturbed communion.

Where was the howling, the tolling of bells?

Extravagant in their presence,

Abhorrent in their nothingness,

Like shadows, on a coloured wall.